Here’s a simple overview of the key stages in a collaborative family law case.

1. Getting Ready

Success in the collaborative process starts with good preparation. This phase ensures both spouses are ready to solve their issues by working together, being open, and getting help from a collaborative team.

• Checking If It’s Right for You: Each person’s lawyer checks if collaborative law is a good fit. They look at how the parties work together and if power imbalances between the parties might cause problems.
• Inviting Your Spouse: Once one spouse is interested, the other is invited to join. Both must agree to work together instead of going to court, promising to share information honestly.
• Building the Team: The spouses choose a team of professionals to support the family. This usually includes collaborative lawyers, a divorce coach or mental health professional, and a financial expert. Each professional provides emotional, legal, or financial guidance within their area of expertise.
• Signing the Agreement: Everyone signs a participation agreement, promising to resolve issues outside of court. If anyone decides to go to court, the lawyers must withdraw. This reinforces the commitment to the collaborative process.
• Setting the Agenda: Before the first meeting, the team creates an agenda to focus discussions on topics like parenting, finances, and future plans.

2. Meetings

Collaboration happens through a series of structured meetings between spouses and professionals. These discussions help create solutions that work for everyone involved.

• First Meetings: Initial meetings involve lawyers and spouses and sessions with coaches or financial experts. These meetings set the stage for productive negotiations by addressing communication, emotional concerns, and financial realities.
• Tasks Between Meetings: Spouses complete tasks between sessions like gathering financial documents or thinking about their goals. This preparation keeps the process moving smoothly.
• Regular Meetings: The team meets regularly to address key issues. Meetings are focused on the spouses finding solutions, building on previous discussions to move toward resolution.
• Identifying Goals: With the team’s help, each party identifies their main interests and long-term goals. This step shifts the focus from past issues to future needs, ensuring that the solutions developed serve each spouse’s priorities.

3. Creating Solutions

Once interests and goals are clear, the collaborative team works together to develop creative solutions that meet the needs of both parties.

• Brainstorming Solutions: Instead of sticking to rigid positions, the collaborative process encourages flexibility. The team brainstorms solutions that address the concerns of both parties, aiming for outcomes that benefit everyone.
• Key Areas to Resolve:
  • Parenting Plans: Creating child-centered plans that promote the children’s well-being.
  • Dividing Assets and Debts: Ensuring a fair division of marital property while planning for both parties’ financial futures.
  • Support Arrangements: Negotiating child and spousal support based on financial needs and circumstances.
  • Financial Planning: Planning for both parties’ financial stability after divorce.

4. Finalizing the Agreement

After developing functional solutions, the team works to finalize the agreements and prepares for implementation.

• Reviewing Agreements: The team ensures all written agreements are properly documented. The lawyers jointly prepare the written agreements based on the decisions made during the collaborative process.
• Implementing Steps: The team outlines the steps needed to put the agreement into action, such as transferring assets and updating parenting schedules to ensure a smooth transition to the new arrangements.

5. Signing the Separation Agreement and Parenting Plan

The final stage is formalizing the agreements reached during the collaborative process.

• Separation Agreement: This document outlines the terms of the divorce, including financial arrangements and property division.
• Parenting Plan: The parenting plan details parenting arrangements, schedules, and decision-making responsibilities.

Once both agreements are signed, the collaborative process is complete.

Conclusion

The life cycle of the family law collaborative process illustrates the preparation, teamwork, and creative problem-solving abilities of this unique option for spouses going through separation and divorce.

By guiding spouses through structured meetings, developing mutually beneficial solutions, and finalizing agreements, the collaborative process helps families resolve disputes with dignity. Families emerge from this process with a customized, future-focused agreement that minimizes conflict and promotes a healthy post-divorce dynamic.

Contact a lawyer, financial neutral, or divorce coach via the Collaborative Association of the Lower Mainland contact page for more information about the collaborative process.

Written by:
Krista Lidstone, Lawyer, Family Mediator, Collaborative Professional
Email – krista@clarityfamilylaw.ca
Tel: 604-210-2462

The post Timeline of the Family Law Collaborative Process appeared first on The Collaborative Association.

An agreement is considered in a child’s best interests when it ensures their physical, psychological, and emotional safety and well-being. Several factors are considered, including the child’s care history, the child’s views, any incidents of family violence, and each parent’s capacity to provide care. The BC Family Law Act and the Divorce Act outline these considerations in greater detail (refer to section 37 of the Family Law Act and section 16 of the Divorce Act for comprehensive lists). Ultimately, the priority is to keep the child safe and healthy while fostering positive relationships with the caring adults involved in the child’s life.

The “Collaborative Process” is an excellent framework for helping families stay child-focused during a separation or divorce. Unlike the court system, which often heightens conflict within separated families, the collaborative approach encourages parents to work together with the guidance of trained professionals, including lawyers, coaches, and child specialists. This process fosters a supportive environment where parents can make thoughtful, child-centered decisions prioritizing their children’s well-being, reducing the emotional toll on the entire family.

A neutral “Co-Parenting Coach” or a pair of aligned coaches can assist parents in navigating these difficult conversations and negotiating what is truly in their children’s best interests. If children are old enough to express their views about decisions involving them, a “Child Specialist” can interview them and provide feedback to the parents and professionals about how certain decisions may affect the child.

By focusing on open communication and mutual respect, the collaborative process empowers families to transition through difficult times while ensuring the children’s needs remain at the forefront. This child-centered approach increases positive outcomes and helps preserve healthy relationships between parents and children.

Stay tuned for an upcoming blog post that will explore the importance of a child’s voice in the separation process.

When co-parenting, knowledge and skills alone aren’t enough—we need a “recipe” to follow. This recipe is essential because once families experience the healing and joy that comes with a strong parent-child relationship, parents realize that they are fully capable of being great parents.

Written by:
Gerry Bock, MA, RCC (Co-Parenting Coach and Child Specialist)
E-Mail – gerry@bock.ca
Telephone – 604-574-6555

The post Considering the Needs of Children in Family Law Cases Through the Collaborative Process appeared first on The Collaborative Association.

What Is Cognitive Restructuring?

Cognitive restructuring is a component of CBT (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) that helps people identify and change negative and unhealthy thinking patterns.

Everyone experiences difficulties and challenging patterns of thinking and feeling during a collaborative process. These difficulties affect the way family members think, feel, behave, and how they interact with each other. The goals of the collaborative process include creating healthy patterns of interaction between participants.

Cognitive restructuring enhances the collaborative divorce process by improving communication, developing understanding, and reducing conflict.

Some examples of how Cognitive Restructuring helps:

1. Identifying Negative Thought Patterns:

• Cognitive Restructuring involves recognizing and challenging the conflicts, and resulting thoughts and feelings which are unhelpful in the Collaborative Divorce process. All participants have opportunity to identify and address negative assumptions, and fears that hinder productive discussions.

2. Promoting Balanced Thinking:

• Through replacing distorted thinking with balanced and realistic expectations, Cognitive Restructuring encourages a more constructive mindset. This in turn leads to more effective problem solving during negotiations.

3. Reduction of Emotional Reactivity:

• Cognitive Restructuring helps people to better manage emotional responses by reframing thoughts, maintaining focus on important goals. This creates a calmer, more respectful environment for discussions.

4. Enhancing Communication:

• Improved thinking patterns lead to communication that is clearer and expresses more empathetic understanding. Clear, open and empathetic communication is critical in the Collaborative Divorce process where open, honest dialogue is required to reach mutually beneficial agreements.

5. Improved Resilience:

• Cognitive Restructuring facilitates an increase in resilience by helping participants cope more effectively with stress and uncertainty. All participants are empowered as the separation and divorce process is navigated with greater confidence and stability.

Cognitive Restructuring supports the collaborative process by promoting healthier thinking, reducing conflict, and enhancing communication. This leads to more positive outcomes for everyone involved.

Collaborative coaches (also known as divorce coaches) do not provide counselling therapy in their role in the collaborative process. This article demonstrates how a coach can draw upon proven skills to provide clients with tools, such as Cognitive Restructuring, throughout the process, for improved outcomes.

Written By:
Gerry Bock, MA, CTS, Registered Clinical Counsellor Parenting Coordinator, Family Law Coach, and Family Mediator
E-Mail – Gerry@bock.ca Telephone: 604-574-6555

The post Cognitive Restructuring in the Collaborative Process appeared first on The Collaborative Association.

Separation and divorce negatively impact children.

According to the Canadian Paediatric Society (CPS) children going through family change will typically feel confusion and concern at best.
When separation and divorce is not resolved using carefully planned steps, and caring strategies, family change significantly the lives of children, especially regarding parental relationships. In many cases, children are placed at high risk of poverty, unsafe sexual behaviour, relationship conflicts, and experiencing separation and divorce later in their own life.

There are key strategies that all caregivers should provide to prevent an increase in psychological stress and other symptoms in children:

1. Reduce hostility and conflict within the family
2. Stay out of court where possible
3. Develop strategies for open communication with children
4. Foster a supportive and loving parenting relationship between the child and both parents

How can Collaborative Divorce Help?

Collaborative Divorce is an out-of-court resolution process designed to empower people to resolve family matters and make decisions on their own, without court dictated resolutions.
Members of a collaborative team includes collaboratively trained Lawyers, Coaches, Financial experts, and Child Specialists. Each team member is specially chosen (or not), by the needs of your family. All collaborative professionals have specialized skills to approach family matters with empathy and compassion. The focus is on understanding the unique and individual needs of each family member, while ensuring that people feel heard and valued during the separation/divorce process.

The process is continuously adapted to fit the family situation, as circumstances evolve. During times of conflict, collaborative professionals use a process that ensures everybody feels safe and heard. Sometimes, families choose to connect remotely or via a hybrid in-person/online model. Communication is managed by the collaborative professionals as work progresses towards resolution in a safe and efficient manner.

Mutual respect and amicable communication are important skills to continuously support the parents and the children by addressing the emotional side of family change in a constructive manner.

Less conflict means less stress – this allows parents to focus more of their energy on restoring other matters. Reducing children’s exposure to conflict, and parenting effectively, significantly impacts the effects of divorce on children.

Collaborative Divorce is focused on ensuring that separating parties commit to respecting each other, making the needs of the children a priority. Collaborative Divorce provides the opportunity for families to problem solve, explore, and agree upon their own solutions with the support of collaborative professionals. Collaborative Divorce can ultimately takes less time, save money, and reduces stress compared to court litigation.

Written By:
Gerry Bock, MA, CTS, Registered Clinical Counsellor Parenting Coordinator, Family Law Coach, and Family Mediator
E-Mail – Gerry@bock.ca Telephone: 604-574-6555

The post Children in Separation and Divorce appeared first on The Collaborative Association.

Parents choosing to resolve matters through the Collaborative Divorce process have a significantly better opportunity to reduce the negative impact of separation and divorce on children.

How can a Child Specialist Help?

Child specialists are trained to work with parents, children, and/or other family members. Their goal is to support the children through the emotional and interpersonal aspects so families can remain focused on their goals and adjust to family change in a healthier way. Child specialists help family members build skills to support them through a very difficult time in their lives.

Child specialists address topics such as:

• Talking to children about separation and divorce
• Designing ongoing communication strategies to reduce the blame cycle and drama
• Helping parents to provide love and support to children before and after the process
• Developing effective strategies to manage children’s questions and emotions
• Working with co-parents to restructure relationships in healthy, amicable, and safe ways
• Assisting parents in reaching custody and parenting plans that suit the needs of the family

The role of the child specialist:

• Providing a confidential, and non-judgmental space to sort their issues and struggles
• Assisting children in processing grief, loss, anxiety, and stress
• Empowering children to express their feelings and needs openly
• Identifying challenges and build resilience
• Developing skills and coping strategies to manage difficult feelings and behaviours

Written By:
Gerry Bock, MA, CTS, Registered Clinical Counsellor Parenting Coordinator, Family Law Coach, and Family Mediator
Email – Gerry@bock.ca Telephone: 604-574-6555

The post Why Choose a Collaborative Divorce Process? appeared first on The Collaborative Association.

1. the person is a spouse of the child’s parent,
2. the person has lived with the child’s parent and child for at least one year, and
3. the application has been made within a year of the last support provided.

This is the case, even where the stepparent has specifically opted out of the parenting duties and has not stood in the place of a parent. Courts are required by the Act to put the best interests of the child before all else and are not bound by parental agreements that disentitle a child to support for which it would be eligible.

The stepparent’s obligation for support is secondary to that of the biological parents, so it may not be required unless it is reasonably requested or ordered. The amount of child support is to be seen in light of the standard of living experienced by the child during the stepparent’s relationship with the parent, with the duration of payments is to be commensurate with the length of that relationship.

As there is a fair amount of latitude in the amount to be paid by a stepparent, depending on the available resources and duration of the relationship, it is best to consult with a lawyer upon separation.

In the collaborative process, this is an area that can be discussed together between you and your former spouse, with the assistance of your collaborative lawyers, taking into consideration both the law and your family’s unique circumstances.

Written by Lisa Dewar (Collaborative Lawyer)

The post Do Stepparents Have to Pay Child Support? appeared first on The Collaborative Association.

The Duluth Model (www.theduluthmodel.org) is a program developed to reduce domestic violence against women.  Its Power and Control Wheel is a heuristic tool that focuses on how 8 different types of abuser tactics partner with physical and sexual violence (or the threat of either) in an attempt to dominate.  It is a useful tool to point out red flags in situations of family violence.  While we recognize that violence against men by their intimate partners is also a real threat, for the purposes of this blog we will use the pronoun “she” below in addressing the victim of family violence.

Red Flags related to Power and Control and Intimate Partner Violence include:

(1)          Using Emotional Abuse – Putting her down; making her feel bad about herself; calling her names; making her think she is crazy; playing mind games; humiliating her; making her feel guilty

(2)          Using Isolation – Controlling what she does, who she sees and talks to, what she reads, where she goes; limiting her outside involvement; using jealousy to justify actions

(3)          Minimizing, Denying and Blaming – Making light of the abuse and not taking her concerns about it seriously; saying the abuse didn’t happen; shifting responsibility for abusive behaviour; saying she caused it

(4)          Using Children – Making her feel guilty about the children; using the children to relay messages; using visitation to harass her; threatening to take the children away

(5)          Using Male Privilege – Treating her like a servant; making all the big decisions; acting like the “master of the castle”; being the one to define men’s and women’s roles

(6)          Using Economic Abuse – Preventing her from getting or keeping a job; making her ask for money; giving her an allowance; taking her money; not letting her know about or have access to family income

(7)          Using Coercion and Threats – Making and/or carrying out threats to do something to hurt her; threatening to leave her, to commit suicide, to report her to welfare; making her drop charges; making her do illegal things

(2)          Using Intimidation – Making her afraid by using looks, actions, gestures; smashing things; destroying her property; abusing pets; displaying weapons

It is important to pay attention to red flags and seek help.  Collaborative professionals can lead you to resources in your time of need.

Written by Joan Spence, RCC (Divorce Coach and Child Specialist) and Rebecca Stanley (Collaborative Lawyer and Mediator)

The post Family Violence Part Two: Red Flags appeared first on The Collaborative Association.

The three most common types of this abuse are:

(1)          psychological violence, which is abuse targeted at a person’s emotional, mental or financial well-being or intended to impede their personal freedom or sense of safety

(2)          physical violence, involving physical assault or the treat of physical assault

(3)          sexual violence, including both sexual assault and the treat of sexual assault.

The RCMP (2019) defines intimate partner violence as, broadly, harm caused by an intimate partner, which takes many forms but is often the result of an attempt to gain or assert power or control over a partner.

In situations of separation and divorce, here in British Columbia the Family Law Act also defines violence in a broad and inclusive way to capture more than just forceful physical contact.  Non-physical forms of abuse, such as harassment, intimidation and even financial sabotage can qualify where these actions instill fear.  No long term intention to follow through with the act being threatened is required for it to be considered family violence.

Family Violence, in the case of a child, includes direct or indirect exposure to family violence, which recognizes the fact that even witnessing family violence is detrimental to children.

The full definition of “family violence” in the Family Law Act can be read here.  The Divorce Act’s definition is here.

If you or someone you know is experiencing family violence, it is important to reach out and seek help.

In extreme circumstances of family violence and power imbalances, the Collaborative Process may not be appropriate.  However, in many circumstances, the professionals involved in the Collaborative Divorce Process can work together to ensure safety for all involved and offer resources not thought of in the adversarial litigation process.

Watch for Part Two which will provide helpful resources to consider.

Written by Joan Spence, RCC (Divorce Coach and Child Specialist) and Rebecca Stanley (Collaborative Lawyer and Mediator)

The post Family Violence Part One: What Is It? appeared first on The Collaborative Association.

The Divorce Act, section 8, sets out the conditions for a separation where the grounds for divorce are one year of separation. One of the spouses must have an intention to separate permanently, usually by way of a physical departure (moving out while informing the other partner that “it is over” or words to that effect). Sometimes the parties opt to remain under the same roof temporarily for financial or other reasons until a physical separation is possible, in which case the separating spouse must take steps that are consistent with separation (starting the process of disentanglement such as not cooking, cleaning, shopping or doing laundry for the other spouse, opening separate bank accounts, and not incurring debt in the name of the other).

In some cases, it may be necessary for the separating spouse to clarify the date of separation by having a letter served upon the other spouse to confirm his or her intention to separate permanently from a certain date. In other cases, where the parties reach agreement about a separation, it may be adequate for the date of separation to be set out in a Separation Agreement by agreement.

The Divorce Act, subsection 8(3), provides that spouses may attempt a reconciliation for up to 90 days without disturbing the stated date of separation. If a reconciliation continues for more than 90 days, the parties are not considered to have separated permanently.

In the collaborative process, your collaborative lawyer (and your spouse’s) will provide advice on your specific circumstances and the effect the date of separation may have on your Separation Agreement.

Written by Lisa Dewar (Collaborative Lawyer)

The post When Are Spouses Separated? appeared first on The Collaborative Association.

An agreement is considered to be in a child’s best interests if it protects or provides for the child’s physical, psychological and emotional safety and well-being. Other factors, such as the history of the child’s care, the child’s views (unless inappropriate to consider), incidents of family violence and the parents’ capacity to parent, are also considered (see section 37 of the Family Law Act and section 16 of the Divorce Act for full lists of the best interest factors). The most important thing is to keep the child healthy and safe and empower the relationships with caring adults who will be involved in the child’s life.

In the collaborative process, a neutral Co-Parenting (or Divorce) Coach or two aligned Coaches can assist parents in discussing and negotiating what is in the best interests of their particular children.  If the children are old enough to have formed their own views, a Child Specialist can interview a child and report back to the parents and their professionals about the child’s views or the effect of certain decisions on a child.

Look for a future blog post with more details to come regarding the importance of a child’s voice in the separation process.

When it comes to co-parenting children, we need a recipe to follow. Knowledge and skills is just not enough. The recipe is important because once we experience the healing and joy that comes with a good parent-child relationship, we realize that we are actually pretty good at being great parents.

Written by Gerry Bock, MA, RCC (Co-Parenting Coach and Child Specialist) and Alysha Kramer, MCP Intern

The post Considering the Needs of the Children in Family Law Cases appeared first on The Collaborative Association.