submitted by Grace Morin / Morin Law Corporation
Conflict is inevitable in life and many people go out of their way to avoid it. Typically, this is not helpful. Issues do not get resolved and people suffer in silence. Therefore, getting good at conflict as opposed to avoiding it should be the goal.
As people we have differing views, opinions and backgrounds that we bring to the table in any given situation: men and women think differently and problem solve differently; we were all raised in different kinds of circumstances and in different kinds of families; and the needs that we are each attempting to get met are different. No wonder we have conflict!
So the goal then is “how do we resolve conflict and keep the relationship intact?”
I will offer a solution using a formula that I was taught in graduate school on how to be a good therapist: Show Up, Pay Attention, Tell the Truth, and Let Go of the Outcome.
Show Up. Be present and start the conversation. Fear stops most people from even addressing the issue.
Pay Attention. Be mindful of yourself and the other person and be a good listener. Really try to hear what the other person is saying.
Tell the Truth. Be honest and as accurate as you can. Even if you are confused or don’t know, be honest about that.
Let Go of the Outcome. This is probably the single most important thing. In any interaction if we are too attached to the outcome or getting our own way, we cannot be fully present or be open to the process.
Following these steps should be helpful in resolving conflict. And if first you don’t succeed, try try again!
by Jennifer Hammersmark, Ph.D., R.C.C.
Morin Law Corporation
15245 – 18 Ave.
Surrey, BC V4A 1W9