“Get real!” The authenticity of the parties in their communication with each other helps the collaborative process. When the parties are able to express their own rainbow of emotions/feelings and opinions/thoughts in a safe environment, each is better able to understand the issues and participate in reaching resolution.
Just as in the realm of advocacy, where the authenticity of the advocate can be persuasive, so the collaborative process is strengthened when the participants feel free to think and say what is really important to them, when they are authentic. The thoughts and feelings emerging in the process can be very effective where each party has internal integrity (that is, consistency and coherence, without contradictions, reactivity, defenses or other barriers of resistance), but we human beings are foolish and less than perfect so it is enough if we can just be authentic. At least then we can be responsive and consider various options without threat or intimidation.
If being “real” is too difficult for whatever reason, divorce coaches can help with learning ways to communicate more effectively, to be more assertive, and to define clearer boundaries.